A lot has happened in four months. I do not know how many times I have started writing and gave up before posting. Making a promise to myself to post this whether it is finished or not.
It was a combination of things which resulted in temporarily abandoning my Multiple Sclerosis entries. Menopause was a big one, the ups and downs were enough to live it once let alone stop to record it. Losing my best friend is another. My babygirl Luna lost her battle on May 2nd. She was my love, my heart, my training partner. A chunk of me was lost that day. It has been painful to talk about.
Another reason for not writing..
I was sick of being sick. MS, depression, menopause. I did not want to think about it if I did not have to. In other words I tried to ignore it. I would pretend that I wasn't sick. To write it was to relive it. I spent a lot of time with my mom, I felt like I could not trust myself to not act on harmful thoughts. My mom has really helped me throughout these past few months.
I want to begin writing again... it was very helpful to keep symptoms and doctor appointments documented. I still flip flop between caring about everything and wanting to dive into things.. and disconnecting myself from everyone and everything writing included.
No comments:
Post a Comment