My frame of mind has been bad. My mom helped me to get into needed doctors sooner as this awful depression has led me into serious suicidal thoughts. I asked my peers who have gone through a hysterectomy if their life had no meaning.. many have experienced what I am going through and suggested antidepressants and anxiety meds. Unfortunately I was already taking a heavy dose of antidepressants and anxiety meds prior to my hysterectomy.
Yesterday I had doc appts
I saw my psychiatrist on emergency visit. I had my mom come with me this time because I really wanted to convey how I feel as I feel this is serious and I need help. I know I am already taking the maximum dosage on Effexor XR and I'm taking the maximum dosage of clonazepam. My psychiatrist is very sweet but she approaches me with caution as I don't think she has many patients like me who have so many things going on, and so many medications to take into consideration before adjusting meds.
She asked me if I wanted to be hospitalized, but I gave her a definite no. Hospitals make everything worse. Yes, unfortunately I am alone most of the time because James works so much, and being alone leaves me time to think which is scary. My mind goes places that It normally would not go. I think of the knives in the kitchen maybe driving off of a cliff, those intrusive suicidal thoughts are always in the back of my mind and it's not good to dwell.
Since Effexor is out and the other meds she mentioned make me extremely sick, she upped the dosage on my carbamazepine. Instead of just taking one in the morning I will take one in the morning and also to in the evening. I have another appointment with her in one week if I'm feeling fantastic I will cancel the appointment if I'm not feeling any better I will go back.
I also saw my OB/GYN yesterday finally.
He only spent about 30 seconds with me unfortunately. Explaining my serious menopausal symptoms he said estradiol pills would be the best thing to do. He could try for the patches but likely my insurance will deny it and I would be waiting longer and longer to get hormones. Also on the downside he said the hormones will not work for 4 to 6 weeks. Ugh. He also mentioned that this will be very very hard. Thanks.
I mentioned the dangers of putting a young person into surgical menopause but basically he shook his head said it wasn't true patted me on the back and was really trying to get out of the room quickly before I asked anything else.
Fucking doctors. At least this guy was better than the last one. Honestly that's really sad. It makes me sad for all who have Medicaid and can't find a Doctor Who cares even an inkling about your well-being.
At least I can always count on my primary care doctor. He's very intelligent and nonjudgmental and is a real person who cares about what's going on with you and takes initiative to solve the problem right then and there, no cutting corners. He spends plenty of time with me . I will mention the many issues with surgical menopause in young women to him, i'm sure he can guide me to do what's best.
I have about had it with my goddamn neurologist I see him next week. Third time seeing him. I swear if he STILL has not acquired my proper information so he can assess the situation I'm going to blow up all over his office. I believe there is now a total of three neurologists who take Medicaid in my area. The neurologist I have is one of them.
Really hope I start feeling better with hormones and upped dosage of carbamazepine.
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