I feel like I kind of checked out from life for a while. While it's nice to live in a pillow fort, unfortunately real life is always waiting for my return with issues needing dealt with.
While MS has been a hugely physical burden, it has left my emotional state just as messed up. I feel like I go through stages. Sometimes I am really gung ho about staying on top of everything and sometimes I really feel like I want to give up, and for a while I do. I eliminate all stressors and responsibilities and live in my pillow fort. Both literal and metaphorically!
If I stay there too long I feel guilt which leads to further depression. If I don't go there often enough I am overwhelmed to the point of making myself physically sick. Pillow forting is a fine line. Right now I am trying to crawl out and deal with life again.
I do feel better and accomplished when I tackle tasks, it's the anxiety anticipating the probable stress associated with those tasks that gets me. I also forget what exactly I should be doing. With so many health issues and doctors I always have the looming feeling that I should be doing something. Sometimes it's just an anxiety, other times I really should be doing something important but I don't know exactly what it is. With my memory being so bad I really do need reminding.
Multiple Sclerosis, My bladder pain issue, Oral Surgery, The whole BRCA1 thing.. OBGYN's, Surgeons, Hysterectomy vs. Oopherectomy, Boob removal, Keeping tabs on prednisone, Keeping tabs on Lyrica. It does not take much to overwhelm me. Can you see how enticing a pillow fort might be?
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