Depression sucks. I take medication for depression, I have been taking it for 17 years but it really does not seem to be working. Also I'm addicted to one of the medications (Effexor XR) and am taking the maximum legal dose of that.... I already discussed that with my psychiatrist. I think she is intimidated with all my health issues and all the medications that I take to try to even squeeze a new medication in there or take one out. She treads lightly, has lots of sympathy and she really listens to me. Every time I see her I have another horrible life crisis, they just keep coming one after another the past two years. I can tell she doesn't quite know what to say or what not to say like I'm some fragile flower.
The craziness of finding out I had MS, and finding out I am BRCA1 positive and what that means for me, being let down by doctors constantly, it makes me feel so defeated. What is the point. If this is as good as it gets, I need to be put down, it is the compassionate thing to do, enough suffering.
This is my low. These are the thoughts that I can't shake out of my mind.
I logically know that things will get better in some aspects. Prednisones step down has been hell on my body and my mind and eventually I will be off of it. I know that is a temporary thing and I know that it's messing with hormones and my brain.
I will note on my disappointing neurologist appointment later.
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