Emotions are in all directions. Anger, Sadness, Disbelief, and a tinge of hopelessness. I feel a meltdown coming. Tears in the brims of my eyelids not only from the physical aching pain, they are angry tears from frustration. Holding them in, but The Seed of haywireness has been planted. My body is already responding in an awful sort of way, tears or no.
"It's not the end of the world"
That is a fabulous reality snapper in many cases for me. But it doesn't work when I have these emotional pile ons. So many layers until I snap like a crazy person. Truly, it DOES feel like the end of the world. Impending doom.
I try to be organized, try to keep it together emotionally. But there is this this forever feeling that I should be doing something but I don't remember what. This anxiety does not help.
I am tired. Tired of being sick... I am not "ok" and I am not "better". If it seems that I am, I am likely trying very hard to fake it. I Would love to be better.. For this "flare" to ease up. But its not. I cannot have what I have now, as a new normal. No.
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